Do it yourself

Since Saturday my life has been a mix of emotions. Old feelings creeping in - new feelings all over the place. But with my sick day off work (really my life before noon I was a mess) I took the time to do some things around the house. For my first time I hung curtains, painted my dresser & put Christmas lights on the tree. Nothing makes me feel better than knowing how productive I can be BY MYSELF & don't always need someone's support. 'Tis the season & I'm really getting in the spirit this year.

Anchors Away,

Samantha

Thankful

I'm so thankful that this week I've managed to patch up two really amazing friendships. One is like I never spent time away with her, while I can tell the other one needs time to mend. Regardless, I'm so thankful. It makes me proud of myself to see that not only was I able to own up to a huge mistake but also try to fix the situation. I can't fix everything all at once but I'm excited for a new chapter & to work and grow my friendships. I can only imagine what the outside world is saying about us becoming friends again but I can honestly say that I don't care. The three people affected are the only ones that matter. I can tell this week is going to be so stressful but I'm excited and ready for something new.

Anchors away,

Samantha

I'm Sorry.

Two words that throughout my whole life have caused me extreme stress. I've always avoided them, even when I knew I was wrong, because I have such a hard time telling people how sorry I am. But this time, it was my fault & I felt horrible. After three months I was ready to say I'm sorry, because I wanted it to seem sincere. But it's weird when it doesn't work out your way afterwards. I guess it's because not everyone deals with things the same way. For me, if I'm mad at you & you apologize, it's over, I CAN NOT stay mad at you. I guess I just have to learn to give people their own space & time. Just because I want to fix things, doesn't mean they do.

Anchors away,

Samantha

Lessons Learned

1. Do not EVER let a boy come in between a friendship. I promise you that you will regret it and will end up missing the friendship more than you'll ever miss the boy.
2. It's okay to have a "me" day. The most selfish day where you do nothing but lay in bed & watch crap movies all day.
3. Time heals all wounds. YES you've heard that a million times. But it really is true.. sometimes you can't fix everything all at once, (even if you want to), sometimes you have to right for the right time & for that person to heal a little first.

I plan on writing down all of my lessons learned as they happen, for now you get these.

Anchors away,

Samantha

Reminiscing

 “It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

Call me a nerd, geek, whatever you want, but I am a true Harry Potter lover. I've always loved reading and I can remember my grandma buying my my very first Harry Potter book, it was a done deal from there. I bought the books the day they were out & then followed suit and seen every movie. No one ever truly understood my obsession besides my best friend. Harry Potter takes me to another world, one where I can totally shut off everything that's happening in my own life. It's taught me the meaning of friendship, courage, bravery, and loyalty. Harry Potter is more than a series for me, but something that really defined a large part of my childhood and early adulthood. I'm 23 and still get sad thinking that that November I'll have no midnight showing to go to or never get to dive into another new Harry Potter book again. I can't wait for the day that I have kids because the first book I'll read to them is HP <3

Anchors away, 

Samantha

young & reckless

"Don't allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not”

A friend of mine posted this quote on Twitter this morning & it really hit home with me. I feel like over the last year I've let myself do things that is totally out of character and justified it with "being upset". Looking back I know which were and were not good decisions and that although yes, I was hurting at that time, it doesn't make my decisions okay. I was reckless with not only my heart but the heart of others & have been so selfish. Losing my relationships turned me into someone I didn't even know & I've lost one of my very best friends along the way. So here I am regretting things from the past year and wishing I would have put myself in check a long time ago. I promise myself I will not act recklessly anymore & will get my act together. The last thing I want to do is get a bad reputation and be "that girl". 


"We're not perfect. any of us. we make mistakes, we screw up but then we forgive and move forward."

Anchors away, 

Samantha

I need a life coach..

I need someone who could break down every decision for me and give me a pros and cons. Someone to help me sort through the thoughts in my head and figure out what is truly good for me & what's a completely horrible idea. Until this happens I guess I'm stuck trying to figure out my own mess and hold hearts without trying to break them. Instead of an apocalypse can the stars align and send me all the answers?

Anchors away,

Samantha

"Restoring from backup"

Some may think I'm silly for even posting this but last night my phone went into recovery mode.. I tried not to panic but this morning as it's restoring itself I can't help but want to cry a little. I had 900 pictures on my iphone and while I know they arent lost (I'm looking at them right now in iphoto) I can't help but be really sad about it. Some of my pictures date back to '09 in my good ole blackberry & college days.

I'm trying to look at this as a positive though. Wiping out the pictures on my iphone means I will finally stop looking at pictures from my past. All the puppy pictures are stored safely on my computer instead of at my fingertips at all times. I think this was god's way of giving me the final push to be over everything that happened. It's been almost a year since we've spoke and I really couldn't be happier with where I am today.

"God doesn't give you what YOU think YOU want, gives you what He knows you need."

Anchors Away,

Samantha