Parents

I can't ever remember a time when my parents were together. Growing up was hard because I lived an hour from my dad. Sure, I saw him on weekends but it wasn't the same. My dad and I have always been close. He's the one who I can always count on no matter heat situation I'm in. But that all changed Sunday... 

My dad told me that at 54 years old, he may try to have a new kid with his girlfriend of ten years. Why now? It's hard to say. They have even considered adopting. To say I took it hard would be an understatement. It's now Tuesday and I still randomly break out in tears. He was supposed to be MY dad, that I never had to share. And let's go ahead and start out with all the reasons it's a selfish choice. 1 the poor future child is never going to have their dad at their wedding because he will likely be dead 2 my dad is essentially starting all over again and shouldn't be expected by his girlfriend to do so 3 I'm trying to get married and start a family and my kids will never have a normal relationship with their grandpa nor will he be available yo plan and participate in my wedding 

I know that things don't always go your way and there are tons of family dynamics out there but this isn't how I pictured my life. I pictured my dad being excited to plan a wedding & wanting to spend his weekends with his grand kids. I pictured my dad having a relaxing retirement where I was able to see him whenever I want. And then this happened. I can't process it & I refuse to try. The good thing is I've got pretty good st shutting people out over the years. I can't see our relationship ever being the same again. 

Anchors away, 

Samantha h

25

I know, I know, I'm not 25 until may. But with the big 2-5 looming closer I can't help but feel a whole mix of emotions. I feel as though everything is changing and I'm caught in the middle. Let me just break down all the reasons 25 is sending me into a panic. 

Suddenly, all of my friends are either on the road to get married or super single. One by one another couple is getting engaged and I really can't help but feel the pressure. I mean I'm 25, at this age my mom was busy chasing after a two year old. I know I shouldn't feel pressure because my boyfriend is quit frankly, excellent, but I feel so behind. 

The weekends. Before, the weekends were an excuse to consume substantial amounts of alcohol and hang out with friends, but now, that's pretty much the opposite of what I like doing. My friends & I have transitioned to group hang outs (cause everyone is a  couple), and surprise surprise.... I love it. We drink, socialize, actually enjoy each other's company. When I get invited to bars I actually try to find reasons for me not to have to go. I would much rather attend a group hang out at bowling than g to a bar with a bunch of single fools who are drinking until they puke. Or better yet, watch movies and drink beer, at home. Sigh, see what I'm saying, old. 

Friends. I'm happy to say that I've found my people. Ones who I can count on, don't have to talk yo everyday, who get me, and who I actually put an effort in to maintain a relationship with. And while I'm proud of finding my people, the people around me have not done the same. Oh, how frustrating it is to watch my friends get kicked around people they consider "friends". 

And to top it off let's not even go into my weight issues. I was spoiled in young adult and had a tiny body, with no effort, as a result I grew lazy. I've gained weight and become self conscious about things I've never had to worry about. Talk about frustrating. But I'm going 4 months strong on working out and finally starting to see some results, and it honestly feels great. 

I guess I should just get used to all of the changes that are going on because they aren't likely to subside anytime soon. 

Anchors away, 

Samantha 

2013 at a glance

2013 has been BEYOND good to me. I've done so many amazing things this year that it only seems appropriate to do a flash back of 2013 in pictures.. 

{Kicked off my sports filled year @ Tigers opening day.}

                                      

{Spent my 24th birthday at a Tiger's game with my boyfriend & some of my closest friends}

{Best friend shenningans}

{Celebrated St. Patty's day hard..}

{Wait, so my little sister graduated & is at Michigan State?! WEIRD}

{Had a college roommate reunion}

{Got to be there while my best friends got engaged}

{Went to Chicago, with two of my best friends}

{And saw our favorite band}

{First cousin on my dads side got married}

{And then football season was here}

{We even tailgated Monday night football in 14 degree temps}

{Participated in a great ugly sweater party}

{Christmas Eve}

{sister}

{spent NYE with some favorites}

{Most importantly celebrated NYE with my love}

XOXO, 

S

New job; Day 2

So this week I started working at a Private Agency as a Foster Care Case Worker...

It has become apparent that almost 80% of what I learned while in college has already left my brain. I'm in training for 9 weeks and I'm just hoping & praying that everything comes back to me in that time, haha. I'm just having trouble recalling specific therapy types & structural things. All in all though I'm very excited to have a job in the social work field vs. child care.

Add in the holidays to my new job and let's just say I'm BEYOND stressed. Now, if you know me you know that the holidays just arent my thing. It's not that I'm the "grinch" or anything buttttt coming from a divorced family, the holidays for me meant, splitting up to three different families every year. While some may thing this is great, keep in mind this means limited time with each family and one parent was always unhappy with the situation. WELL, at 24 not much has changed. I'm expected at all three families houses for Thanksgiving & Christmas and one parent is always mad with how I split the time. Is it possible that I can just skip to January and ignore all things holidays? & Having a boyfriend this year is putting a kink is my normally easy holiday shopping.

WHEW.

anyways..

Anchors Away,

Samantha

Take 2

When I started this blog I PROMISED myself that I wouldn't forget about it.. but here we are almost 8 months later and I've only posted a handful of times. In my defense, I've had a busy 8 months. I've quit my job, nannied, went back to my old job, and just recently put my two weeks in again. I've started a serious relationship with someone who gets me like I never thought possible. I've weeded out "friends" and kept relationships with those that matter. I've begun "working out" only to quit after a few weeks & then started again. I've watched my baby sister graduate & become independent in ways I never imagined. These have been a crazy few months but I'm in an amazing place and can't wait to use my blog as a place to document my successes & failures in my new position, keep memories of my relationships, and write about the things that I love.

Here's to round 2 of the blog!

Anchors Away,

Samantha

Figuring it out

I'm one of those girls that spends a lot of time trying to figure things out. Trying to figure out what outfit to wear. If a boy likes me back. What that comment the girl at work said to you, meant. But recently I've been spending less and less time trying to figure things out. Sometimes things just happen. You can't be prepared and you can't plan for them. That friend who's mad that you don't want to follow along with her plans on a Saturday? done with it. The boy that keeps you guessing but never gives you the answers you need? moving on. I've been choosing to spend less and less time with people who are selfish towards me. If you don't want to have a functioning two way relationship, then I'm done giving it my time. This may sound selfish, or harsh but sometimes growing up means you need to cut people out.

Sometimes god give's you people who are basically, an extension of yourself. Who get you without having to explain every detail. Who have experienced things that almost mirror your own experiences. They make you feel like they truly care about you. THESE are the people you hold onto. Whether its a new friend, a cousin, these are the people you devote your time to. The ones that you should take the time to figure out.

Anchors away,

Samantha

Sometimes I think it's a good idea to break down my walls & then certain things happen that have me building them back up. The pain my family is going through right now dealing with the death of my cousins boyfriend is almost more than I can bare. I feel guilty for only meeting him once, that although I accept their homosexual relationship, I didn't free up more time to spend with them both. In this day everyone is so selfish. So worried about themselves & what plans that they have. Over the last year that's all I've done. Busied myself to get through, bounce from friend to friend and I realize how senseless it all is. I grew up with my cousin but couldn't find the time to drive to Toledo with him? Shame on me, I wasn't raised that way. My heart is truly hurting for how I've acted in the last year. Sometimes time is all you have, and thats usually something I don't share with many people.



Anchors away,

Samantha