Parents

I can't ever remember a time when my parents were together. Growing up was hard because I lived an hour from my dad. Sure, I saw him on weekends but it wasn't the same. My dad and I have always been close. He's the one who I can always count on no matter heat situation I'm in. But that all changed Sunday... 

My dad told me that at 54 years old, he may try to have a new kid with his girlfriend of ten years. Why now? It's hard to say. They have even considered adopting. To say I took it hard would be an understatement. It's now Tuesday and I still randomly break out in tears. He was supposed to be MY dad, that I never had to share. And let's go ahead and start out with all the reasons it's a selfish choice. 1 the poor future child is never going to have their dad at their wedding because he will likely be dead 2 my dad is essentially starting all over again and shouldn't be expected by his girlfriend to do so 3 I'm trying to get married and start a family and my kids will never have a normal relationship with their grandpa nor will he be available yo plan and participate in my wedding 

I know that things don't always go your way and there are tons of family dynamics out there but this isn't how I pictured my life. I pictured my dad being excited to plan a wedding & wanting to spend his weekends with his grand kids. I pictured my dad having a relaxing retirement where I was able to see him whenever I want. And then this happened. I can't process it & I refuse to try. The good thing is I've got pretty good st shutting people out over the years. I can't see our relationship ever being the same again. 

Anchors away, 

Samantha h